Ana-Elena Devescu Has A Bad Day

I am so annoyed. Why did I ever agree to teach Pavla Nimkova the Dance of the Gypsy Curse? I knew nothing good would come of it. But my Kia needed new brakes and well, what was I to do?

But now that madwoman has caught me up in her schemes and I am paying for it in a big way. I am behind in everything. I haven't opened my mail in days. I suppose I should do it now.

Bill. Bill. Bill. Missing child. Bill. Bill. Bill. Oh, a Domino's coupon! This might come in handy tonight!

Bill. Bill. Oh.....oh Dear God! Oh! Oh no! Oh please, no! Oh, oh ...it cannot be, it cannot be. As I open it I will pray....." Oh Dear Lord, please do not let it be......"

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! It is what I feared most!

A Gypsy Summons!

She has found and summoned me!

I am doomed, I tell you. DOOOOOOOMED!

Some Post-Thanksgiving Dinner Advice From Anabella

Umm, Nicki? Here's, like, a really good rule, OK?

Never pass out at the dinner table when all the other guests have their cell cameras with them.

I swear to God, you are such a retard.

Thanksgiving Is Nearly Over

Sadly, the day is nearing done. I most enjoyed my Banquet Turkey Pot Pie. I also cooked second pot pie, but the first was most filling, so I will save second for tomorrow. Always so many leftovers at Thanksgiving!

You may be noticing there was no potato dish. Dr. Carson Gregory seemed to enjoy his potatoes, but for me there will never be joy in potatoes again.

In my younger days at State Orphan Building #265, you may be recalling that my last minute potato-peeling win was forever ruined by Pavla Nimkova. From that day I was being unable to look at potatoes the same way. They were my inspiration that day, but in winning competition they became my curse. Especially tater tots. They were the worst. Even the ones with little bacon bits.

And so it was most horrible that after Pavla Nimkova was hitting me on the head with either the concrete angel from the fountain next door, or a 2x4, we are not yet being sure, that she then kept me locked in my very own broom closet, and fed me only tater tots.

She was knowing, Pavla Nimkova, of how they choked me! Of how each tater tot bite was like sand. Or dirt. Or tiny pieces of sand mixed with dirt.

I was wanting to survive. I was not wanting to die in broom closet. So I ate tater tots. They were not even cooked. Pavla Nimkova tossed bag full of still-frozen tater tots into closet and cruelly said "There! Try to peel THOSE and win!"

I think Pavla Nimkova might be having a mental problem. But they have put her in a safe place until trial. Maybe it will help her. I am not knowing.

As for now I am preparing to take Dr. Carson Gregory's most excellent idea and to join him in Hot Toddy and Dessert.

I have prepared special Hot Toddy of Swiss Miss with last of rootbeer schnapps. There are tiny marshmallows which are adding a festive touch. I have also a dessert, having saved the carmel popcorn that was in the third section of my gift can. It was tempting to eat it all at hospital, but I was knowing I would want some for holiday dessert. The cheese popcorn and zesty jalapeno popcorn would not have made good dessert, so I am eating them all at hospital before I leave. After dessert, I will carefully wash gift can with three sections so that it may serve as storage for me.

What am I trying to say with this? I am so losing track of this day.

Oh! I am almost forgetting! I am finding pill today! It was inside popcorn gift can! How it is getting there I do not know, but I did take it just before dinner.

Now, I am drinking Swiss Miss Hot Toddy With Tiny Marshmallows.

Thankful Hapsgiving, everyone!

Hot Toddy, Anyone?

It's a wee bit nippy outside, so Giselle-Marie is passing around a tray of Hot Toddies.

Dr. Carson Gregory must mention that Giselle-Marie outdid herself today. The sage and apple stuffing was divine, the basil-infused potatoes were decadent, and the slow-roasted balsamic turkey was truly a work of art!

And now, she has brought out the triple-layer pumpkin mousse cheesecake.

So we will all sit in front of the fire and nibble our cheesecake, and sip our Hot Toddies, and wish each and every one of you a Happy Thanksgiving, and hope that yours has been as fabulous as ours!

A Glimpse Into Anabella's Thanksgiving

I swear to God, I think this day is never going to end. Why did I say yes to Paris? If she hadn't asked me last night after about a bizillion shots I would never, never have agreed to come with her to her stupid family Thankgiving. Of course, she conveniently forgot to mention that Nicki would be here. She knows about me and Nicki and Tristan, even though she pretended to, like, totally forget.

Thank God Nicki has been so wasted all day that she barely knows where she is. If I could find my purse I would probably just leave.

It Is Just Another Workday In Cluj-Napoca

Drats! Ana-Elena Devescu, you are a fool! You have not looked at your mail in two days. In fact, yesterday's mail is still in the box. And I saw you, Ana-Elena Devescu, saw you take Tuesday' s mail and toss it on the cheap piece of ill-made junk that you call an end table.

How did I see that? How did I know that?

I am the Gypsy Queen. I see all, I know all.

Well, forgetting to look at your mail will not excuse you from my summons. There is more than one trial that awaits you, more than one defense that you need to prepare. Oh, if only you could see and know what I see and know, Ana-Elena Devescu.

But you can't. Because you are not the Gypsy Queen.

I am.

Miss Albania Has Thanksgiving Plans

I probably should have been more soon to see Miss Bulgaria. I know she is home from the hospital. But I have been so busy. The School of Gypsy Dance is a great deal of work. As soon as Ana-Elena Devescu is back I will have more time for my personal life. Preparing a defense is much work, so I do not in reality blame her. However, a phone call now and again might be nice.

Today I will spend Thanksgiving with my brother, the pharmacist. It is so sad that he is still single. I wish I knew a single girl who he might be able to date.

Thanksgiving Dinner At The MetroArea Correctional Facility

Hey Pavla! Pavla Nimkova! You gonna finish that turkey leg? I didn't think so. Give it here. After all, you gotta watch that pretty figure. I'm doin' you a favor sweet cheeks!

Can't wait to see what kinda favor you do me in return. Know what I mean, Pavla?

Ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!

I Also Wish A Most Happy Day of Thanksgiving!

I am looking very forward until tomorrow. It is very quiet here in flat. I have been home for a day from hospital. Hospital is so noisy! Always people coming and going. Always phones ringing. Always flowers arriving.

Here is quiet. So very quiet. No people, no phones, no flowers. And sadly, no pills. They say I am not needing pills. Perhaps they mistake. I feel I am needing pills.

But I am very excited about most Happy Holiday! I have duly prepared by buying two Banquet Turkey Pot Pies. It is very conveneient for me, as vegetables are included inside of pie, and so one less side dish is being necessary. Normally I would only eat one pot pie, but is holiday, so I am saying to myself, "Go crazy!", and I am buying two.

I also have single serving Stove Top Stuffing Pouch. For second side dish. It can be made in oven or in microwave. I am not having microwave, so I will use "conventional" cooking directions. A shame. A microwave would be nice. Although pot pie directions say microwave not suggested, as crust may not be crispy. So perhaps it is all for the best.

I think I am needing pills.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Dr. Carson Gregory regrets the lack of posts the last day or so. He has been busy preparing for Thanksgiving! He cannot reveal too many details of the feast he will be hosting tomorrow, but suffice it to say that Giselle-Marie has been hard at work in the kitchen already today.

He hopes you are ready for your Thanksgiving tomorrow. And he promises to give you at least a glimpse of this most festive of days.

A Difficult Time

A most difficult time. A most difficult time. I am having a most difficult time. I do not know where to begin, so I will begin at the beginning part. You know, the first part.

Where am I last letting you know about me? Oh, I am now remembering. I was enjoying a lovely Fresca and root beer schnapps night cap. Dr. Carson Gregory had suggested a night cap, I am so wanting to be a part of this nightcap, that I am going to the kitchen pantry and investigating my options. Which were slim.

In any of cases, there is at that exact time someone at the door. I am feeling a moment of fleeting happiness to think that someone is coming to join me in the nightcap. I am running to the door, and I am stepping out on to the stoop. I am seeing no one, except there is a shadowy figure in the bushes, near to the mail box. I am disappointed. It is just Mr. Mailman I suppose. But I feebly wave to the mailman shadow who is rustling in bushes.

"Hello Mr. Mailman", I say out loud into the night. "I am so sorry that you are to be working this late in the night, delivering the mail, crouching in bushes. I will see you tomorrow."

I am turning to go back into my flat, when I am being struck upon the head. I do not know what it is that is hitting me. I am learning later from MetroArea Vice it was possibly the concrete angel from the fountain next door. Or a 2x4. It is not clear.

Yes, who is there? Oh! Nurse Kimball. I am thinking I am glad to see you. Is my pill ready? Oh, I am so thankful. Sleep is my friend.

I am thanking Dr. Carson Gregory's Devoted Fans for the many cards and gifts. The large can containing three different, yet equally delicious, types of popcorn was most especially appreciated. The empty can will serve me well in the future as some sort of storage. Perhaps my matchbook collection. We will see.

Now, I must sleep. I love to sleep.

Pavla Nimkova Gets A Hearty Welcome To The MetroArea Correctional Facility

Hey! Pavla Nimkova! Hey! Yeah, you! I'm talkin' to YOU! Come over here, Pavla Nimkova. Wow. You're really pretty. Like, Beauty Queen pretty.

Welcome to Cell Block 3! I'm Robin Lancaster, and I think we're gonna be real good friends. Maybe "best friends". Maybe "best friends for ever."

You know what I mean, Pavla?

It's Not Easy Being Queen

You know, sometimes the Sight can be a curse, as well as a blessing. I see all, and I know all, but sometimes what I see is not what I know, and sometimes what I know is not what I see.

Sigh. It is not easy being the Gypsy Queen.

I had eagerly anticipated the arrest of Ana-Elena Devescu, the self-annointed heiress to my Tambourine. It has pained me greatly to be forced to watch the ridiculous posturing of one who is not even fit to follow 8 paces behind me, carrying my Tambourine in a haversack, much less to shake It.

The Sight showed me the former Miss Romania enjoying time with her "new best friend", Robin Lancaster, in the MetroArea Correctional Facility. Now I am wondering what I saw, exactly.

The Sight can be a fickle Mistress.

I see all, I know all.

I am the Gypsy Queen

A Message from MetroArea Vice Detective Destiny DeMille

MetroArea Vice is pleased to announce that we have had a major breakthrough in the Beauty Queen investigation. Miss Bulgaria is recovering nicely at the MetroArea Hospital of the Holy Thimble.

Pavla Nimkova has been arrested, and is currently being held without bail at the MetroArea Correctional Facility. Ana-Elena Devescu has been released on her own recognizance upon posting bail. She is forbidden from traveling outside the MetroArea.

MetroArea Vice would like to thank MetroArea citizens for all of their patience and cooperation in investigating this shocking crime.

Go To Sleep, Miss Bulgaria, Go To Sleep

I am so being very lethargic. Nurse Kimball will shortly be coming back. She has my favorite sedative.

And now I sleep.....

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Evil Laughter

Ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

And, Ha!

Miss Albania Speaks To The Press

Thank you. Thank you for coming. First, I am just to let you know that Miss Bulgaria is fine. Yes, thank you! Thank you! She will be most grateful of your best wishes!

Second, MetroArea Vice have arrested Pavla Nimkova and Ana-Elena Devescu. It is a sad day for Former Soviet Bloc Beauty Queens here in the MetroArea. Although I was third runner up, it befalls upon me today to take up the crown. At least until Miss Bulgaria has fully recovered, for she was second runner up, and will rightfully wear the crown, unless the first runner up or winner are given probation instead of a lengthy jail sentence.

Oh! I must clarify something. We are talking about Miss Former Soviet Bloc 2000. You know, the Millenium Edition. Please do not confuse us with 1997-1999 or 2001-2005. Each and every one of these Queens is still in posession of her rightful Tiara.

It is only the Millenial Queens who will now be crowned with Shame.

I'm sorry. I am not taking questions.

Thank you all for your time and I will give Miss Bulgaria your warmest regards.

Oh! Wait a minute. I have forgottem one thing. Tonight's class in Dance of The Gypsy Pickpocket has not be cancelled. I have agreed to teach this course until further notice.

Thank you again. Now, really, this time I am finished. Good day.

Detective DeMille Learns Nothing From Tina Kolowski

I didn't hear nuthin'. Nuthin', I tell ya'. Well , except Mrs. Rosenbaum screechin' and yappin' and flappin' her gums like always. And Mr. DeLuca shoutin' and probably wavin' his arms around, you know, like they do.

Anyways. I didn't hear nuthin'. I was busy, you know? I mean, I got a busy social life. I ain't no Miss Bulgaria, that's for sure. So sorry that all the resta the losers in this building got nuthin' better to do than worry about what time I got home or who I was with or why is that guy passed out in the hallway with my panties on his head?

Busybodies. Mind your own friggin' business.

If I Could Have Your Attention For Just A Minute, Please?

I must first apologize to the Ladies' Book Club of Upper St. Helena. I will, of course, reschedule your lesson in the Dance of the Gypsy Bordello, and waive my usual change fee of $75. Unless at that lesson you have fewer than 10 participants, in which case my usual $75 per person no-show fee will apply. I have penciled you in for a week from Friday at 7. Let me know if that works for you.

Last night was not a very good night for me. I left my house on time but, alas, I was unexpectedly.......detained.

I'm afraid that is all I have time for at this moment. I may be hard to reach these next few days. If you need to speak to me, please do not hesitate to leave me a voice mail and I will call you back as soon as it is possible.

The Pause That Refreshes

Dr. Carson Gregory would like to recommend that everyone just calm down and have a nice, relaxing afternoon Daquiri.

Dr. Carson Gregory is well aware of the allure of intrigue, and is himself no stranger to the drama of Beauty Queens, Gypsies and News Anchors.

All he asks is that his Devoted Fans keep a little perspective.

I mean, really, it's not as if it were Last Call, is it?

Hannah Rosenbaum Is Vindicated

So. I've lived in 2C for, what? 20 years? Yes, 20 years I've lived here. I've seen people move in, people move out, people move in, people move out. Always I put my trash out when it's full. I've got trash to go out, it has to go out. The trash can's full, it's full. What else can I do? I ask you, what else can I do? This hasn't been a problem in our building until the DeLuca family moved in, about what, 3, 4 years ago? Maybe 5. Who knows? But anyway, right after they move in, that Joe DeLuca is banging at my door. "You put your trash out too soon!", he yells. I open the door and tell him "It's full, my trash is full, so I put it out, what do you care?" And he gets all red in the face and starts waving his arms around, you know, like they do, and tells me that today isn't trash day, tomorrow is trash day. So I say to him "Today. Tomorrow. What's the difference?" And I shut the door. And so it starts. Every week he's at my door with the same complaint. And every week I'm giving him the same answer.

Until last night, when my trash saved that poor Miss Bulgaria's life. I knew there was something funny going on downstairs, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Miss Bulgaria, she's always a quiet one. Never up late, never bringing home strange men. Not like that Tina Kolowski upstairs in 3B. Tramp. No, Miss Bulgaria was always a good neighbor.

Which is why I was suspicious when I heard those muffled noises through the floor. You know, a sort of mmmmpph, mmmppph, mmmppph. Like that. Not like the disgusting noises I hear from 3B when Miss Party Pants has a "guest".

I wish now I had called the police. Only they won't come by any more ever since the whole terrorist threat incident. So how was I to know? Pakistan, Peru....What's the difference?

Anyway, Joe DeLuca is singing a different tune tonight. What can he say? You should have put your trash out a day later and killed that poor girl?

From now on, every day is trash day.

We Interrupt Our Regular Programming For This Lucky 13 NewsBreak

Good Morning! I'm Megan Woo, with Lucky 13! I have just returned from the MetroArea Vice Press Conference, where a tight-lipped Detective DeMille would neither deny nor confirm many of the rumours that are running rampant in the MetroArea streets, and avenues, this morning. Detective DeMille hinted that a major breakthrough was imminent in last night's shocking events near the corner of 5th and Main.

Lucky 13 and your MetroArea NewsNow Team will be monitoring this important MetroArea story, and will update you throughout the day.

For Lucky 13, I'm Megan Woo.

We now return to "The Price Is Right"

MetroArea Vice Holds A Press Conference

Good Morning, Ladies and Genlemen. I'm Detective Destiny DeMille of the MetroArea Vice Squad. I know you all have a lot of questions about last night's events. But I must warn you in advance that at this time we can neither deny nor confirm many of the rumours that are swirling about the MetroArea. I will now open the floor to questions.

Yes, Lataviya Goldstein-Martinez...What is your question?

I'm sorry Ms. Goldstein-Martinez, but I can neither deny nor confrim that.

Megan Woo? It is Megan Woo, correct? I thought so. Megan Woo, proceed with your question.

I'm sorry Ms. Woo, but I can neither deny nor confirm that.

Ladies and Gentlemen, that is all the time that we have this morning. If you have further questions I suggest that you contact Trisha VanDeKamp in our Community Relations Department, who will be happy to assist you in any way possible.

An Eerie Email Arrives From Abroad

And so, Ana-Elena Devescu, your fate, already known to me, begins to unfold.

The Gypsy Queen can be kind, but she can also be cruel.

It is up to you, Ana-Elena Devescu. Your move. Your call. Your choice of wireless providers.

I see all, I know all.

I am the Gypsy Queen.

A Witness Speaks Up

I am so very worried. I hope this is not all my fault. I was downtown at 5th and Main. I stopped by Ernesto's Tacos. I love Mr. Velazquez' guacamole. Who does not?

After I enjoyed the fine Mexican cuisine that Mr. Velazquez has on offer, I strolled a bit down the street. I then thought, "Hey! Miss Bulgaria lives right here. Perhaps I will stop and offer to say, Hello!"

After all, we were friendly competitors in the Miss Former Soviet Bloc contest. I think, surely she has not forgotten me?

And so, I firmly strode up to the door. And I rang the doorbell. And I heard a muffled sound. And then the door suddenly is open! And who is standing in front of me but Pavla Nimkova!

I to myself think, "Pavla Nimkova, why are you in the home of Miss Bulgaria?", but before I can formulate the answer to myself the muffled sound is repeated, just behind Pavla Nimkova, but a bit to her left, as perhaps just around the corner, in the foyer.

Pavla Nimkova smiles at me and says "Oh, Hello! Why, what can I do for you tonight?."

"May I please speak with Miss Bulgaria, please?", I ask most innocently.

"Oh, Miss Bulgaria is..."

But Pavla Nimkova's words are disrupted by the muffled yet still unseen to me sound. And then a figure dashes into view from Pavla Nimkova's right, which suprised me, because I assumed the muffled sound was from the foyer when, in fact, it was from the broom closet.

Suddenly, a muffled red-headed figure pushed its way by us both! Pavla Nimkova shrieked the shriek of the thwarted!

I did not understand. But as I winced away from the shriek, I saw most unexpectedly that the muffled figure was, in fact, Miss Bulgaria.

And she ran! She ran so fast! She was as if blind in one eye! For she did not see the approaching car, which, with a terrifying thud, knocked her into Mrs. Rosenbaum's garbage receptacle.

Lucky Miss Bulgaria, that Mrs. Rosenbaum always puts out her garbage receptacle much too early, and much to the dismay of her neighbors.

I stood frozen in horror, but strangely thrilled, on the stoop until the distant sound of wailing sirens alerted me to the fact that someone had called 911.

This Week's Episode

Hi! I'm Lindsay Lynn Tiffin, and I just have to thank all of my MetroArea fans for making "Livin' With Lindsay Lynn!" the Number One Most Watched Metro Channel 11 Series Premiere ever!

On our next show, we're going to prepare a gourmet meal for eight using only ingredients from your local Convenience Mart.

Think that beef jerkey, Funyuns, Mountain Dew and corn nuts are just for hungry truckers and crack-heads? Think again!

Your guests will be amazed!

Tune in to Metro Channel 11 this Friday at 8pm for "Livin' With Lindsay Lynn!"

Hello? 911!

Oh God! Oh God! Hello? 911?

Are you there?

Oh, thank God! I just saw a horrible accident! Yes, a car hit a pedestrian!

Where? Downtown...near 5th and Main...not too far from Ernesto's Tacos.

OK, I'm sorry...I'm a little shaken. Yes, I saw it. The pedestrian? She had red hair. She ran out in the street, like she didn't even see the car.

The car? I think it was a Kia...

Ana-Elena Devescu, You Have A Collect Call From Fate

So, very interesting. Ana-Elena claims to give the "Best Readings". How very odd, since I seem to remember that she came in a paltry 8th in the World Gypsy Tarot Tournament. Not so stong a showing, wouldn't you agree?

And wouldn't you also agree that an "Honorable Mention" in the Crystal Ball Battle of the Gyspsy Stars might not be worth bragging about?

And wouldn't you even more strongly agree that it is I, the Gypsy Queen, who is the Best?

I see all, I know all.

I see Ana-Elena right now, wondering if that strange noise her engine is making is the same noise, or a new noise, and hence a new problem. I know that her checking account is overdrawn, and that she has $11 of available credit on her Discover Card, which the gas station she will soon be stopping at does not accept.

Oh, I will freely admit it. Ana-Elena could have been one of the GreatOnes. But instead of using her talents to become a Gypsy Queen, she wasted them to become a Beauty Queen. She sought the Tiara, instead of the Tambourine.

And now that choice has come back to haunt her. How strange, for someone who claims to know the future, to not be able to see the fate that awaits her now.

I see all, I know all. I am the Gypsy Queen.

An Important Weather Bulletin From Metro Channel 11

Breaking News!

A Weather Advisory has just been issued by the National Weather Service for the MetroArea and surrounding counties.

A Weather Warning is in effect for Lincoln, Jefferson, Washington, Madison, Taft and Polk Counties until 3:47pm. A Weather Watch is in effect for Eisenhower, Roosevelt and Kennedy counties until 3:53pm.

This is Brock O'Neill. Join me tonight on MetroNews 11 for full details.

Weather....or not!

If It's Tuesday, It Must Be Bingo!

Yes, tonight is Gypsy Bingo Night at my School of Gypsy Dance. It will begin immediately after GypsyRobics, so you ladies may want to stay and try your luck! We have many wonderful prizes to give away this evening. Movie passes, key chains, a Subway sandwich, and for the SuperBingoFinale, a complimentary Tarot and Crystal Ball Reading from none other than me, Ana-Elena Devescu, the former Miss Romania! Everyone knows that my readings are the very best. You will find out many hidden secrets about you and your loved ones. And if you are not the lucky Bingo Winner, my readings will also be available all evening for a modest fee. Only $20 for the Crystal Ball, and $25 for the Tarot. Or you might enjoy our Gypsy Combo Package and get both for only $4o.

Now, I must go check on poor, poor Miss Bulgaria. I know she has missed Dr. Carson Gregory's Devoted Fans. It is such a shame that she has been tied up this week. I mean, sick.

So please come, each and every one, to the School of Gypsy Dance. We are located on Old US Highway 12, in the Old US Highway 12 Plaza. Just past the viaduct. We are between the Asian Buffet and the Precious Pretty Nail Salon. Parking is free!

Be Careful! That May Be Sweet Corn!

In his wanderings about the Internet, Dr. Carson Gregory came across an entire site dedicated to "Diabetic Turkey Recipes".

Dr. Carson Gregory had no idea that turkeys could get diabetes, but he is heartened to know that they can get diet tips tailored to their special needs with the simple click of a mouse.

You Know, I Was Just Thinking...

...maybe you girls should come to my private island over the holidays. Think of it Anabella...Can I call you Anabella? Great. What I was saying is you could come to my island for Christmas, maybe stay until after the New Year. Bring as many friends as you like. You'll like my island. Lots of recreational opportunities, if you get my drift.

Sorry. I Just Woke Up.

What time is it anyway? 3? OMG, I am still so tired. We didn't get home until 6, I think, and Paris wanted pancakes so we had to wake the staff. It took them FOR-EVER and by the time they made them we had all had so many Bloodies that we just weren't hungry anymore so we just went to bed.

Anyway, Nicole, you can bite me. No call, no text, no IM, no nothing. I erased your number out of my cell, so now if you call me it will just show Out of Area, which means I won't answer. Oh, and Iassigned your ring tone to Paris. So now she has two. And you don't have any. So sad for you.

I guess I'll just have to find another way to rent a villa. I wish Paris could remember where she spent last Christmas. That would help.

A Royal Visitor From Cluj-Napoca

So, do you think I cannot hear you Ana-Elena? Do you think that because I am far away from you in Cluj-Napoca, I do not know your thoughts, or hear your words, or see your pitiful one-room walk-up flat with no air conditioning and a laughable kitchen? The Gypsy Queen sees all, and knows all.

And what do I see now, Ana-Elena Devescu? What? I see you wish my death. I see you wish to be the Gypsy Queen. And I see you wish that your 1997 Kia did not constantly leak transmission fluid.

Sorry on all counts.

Giselle-Marie Est Contente

Mes chers amis...

Je vous remercie pour tous les emails que j’ai reçus. Il me plaît beaucoup que vous avez aimé bien mes brioches. Je les ai fait exprès pour mon cher Dr. Carson Gregory et ses fans. Je le regrette, mais je ne peux pas vous donner la recette. Ma grande-mère me l’a donnée, et je vais la donner à ma fille (ou à mon fils, s’il aime bien faire la cuisine!)

A toute à l’heure et comme d’habitude, un gros bisou au Dr. Carson Gregory. Mouaa!

Giselle-Marie

Miss Bulgaria Sends Her Warmest Regards

Hello Dr. Carson Gregory's Devoted Fans! Hello! I am Ana-Elena Devescu, Miss Romania 1999, Miss Cluj-Napoca 1998, Miss Industrial Institute #12 1996, and Miss Compulsory Secondary Education 1994.

I am sad to report that Miss Bulgaria is indisposed. She has an illness. She is suffering from....ummmm.....ummmm.... Gastrointestinal Discomfort! Yes, that is it! Gastrointestinal Discomfort. Poor Miss Bulgaria!

She has asked me to convey her warmest regards. She would also like me to tell you about my new School of Gypsy Dance that I am opening here in the MetroArea. At the School of Gypsy Dance, MetroArea residents will be able to learn many dances typical of the Cluj-Napoca Gypsy Tribes, of which I am a Princess, and someday, a Queen, as soon as that hag Ramona Ceauceascu dies and oh, let that day come soon! The joy in Cluj-Napoca on the day of her death will make Mardi Gras look like a funeral. I am not kidding you.

But in any case, until the happy day of Ramona Ceauceascu's death, I will continue to reside in the MetroArea and will teach my Gypsy Dances.

Our first classes will be offering the Dance of the Gypsy Curse and the Dance of the Gypsy Pickpocket. Groups of 10 or more may wish to consider the Dance of the Gypsy Bordello.

Also, every Tuesday from 6-8pm we are offering GypsyRobics. A great way to slim down, ladies!

Oh, and it just happened to cross my mind that I should mention that I absolutely do not know Pavla Nimkova, nor do I have any way of knowing about her restraining order.

Sunday Brunch

As promised last week, Giselle-Marie has made a platter of her delicious brioches.

Dr. Carson Gregory suggests you enjoy yours as he will his: with a sparkling Mimosa and a demi-tasse of espresso.

A Nightcap Would Be Lovely

I am so wanting to join Dr. Carson Gregory in a nightcap. It is most civilized way to end day. I am going to my kitchen to see what nightcap I might be making, but am downcast when all that appears in cupboard is Rootbeer Schnapps. And Fresca. There is always Fresca being available.

And so now I am having Rootbeer Scnapps and Fresca nightcap. So pleasant for me. And I am thinking that...

What is that? I hear noise at door....

Oh! Someone is at door! Maybe they would also like Rootbeer Schnapps and Fresca nightcap! I will answer door and see.

I will be returning in a moment!

It's Getting Late...

...and Dr. Carson Gregory would like to remind all of his Devoted Fans that a Nightcap is a splendid way to end the day. (As if they need reminding!)

Dr. Carson Gregory has poured himself a Fine Bourbon and suggests you all do the same.

Text Me Nicole, OK?

Great. So Malcolm Bernard has, like, I don't know, a jazillion villas, and he is so going to let me have one of them for my party IF I can get Paris and Nicole to "make up" for him. Of course, Paris is all up for it, especially after I told her there would be a web cam and all, but Nicole is such a retard.

Does she think I'm stupid? Every time I'm texting or IMing on my cell I can, like, totally see she is on line too, but she must think her cell has, like, super invisibility protection or something.

I swear to God, Nicole is so gay.

Kisses, Anabella

Happy Hour A-Go-Go!

It's 5 o'clock!

Ay! Que rico!

Andale, andale! Arrrrrrriba!

Ay! Ay! Ay yay yay yay yay!

Shake it, don' stir it, chica!

Breakfast

Giselle-Marie has the day off, so Dr. Carson Gregory will have to prepare his own meals today. Fortunately, Giselle-Marie made some very large blueberry muffins yesterday, and Dr. Carson Gregory finds that they are delicious with a Mocha Latte.

Malcolm Bernard Might Have Something Suitable

I'm not 100% on board yet, but one of my villas might be available over the Christmas Holidays, for the right person, at the right price. What I want to know is: What is Ms. di Monteviccero-Credenza willing to bring to the bargaining table? She needs a villa. I need to know what she can do for me. I'm a man of simple tastes. Just because I'm a famous International Financier doesn't mean I'm greedy...

Now, if Ms. di Monteviccero-Credenza could see her way clear to have her good friends Paris and Nicole "make up" for me (if you know what I mean), then maybe one of my villas might have a sudden cancellation.

You never know.

Ivan Grozny Must Sadly Decline Anabella's Request

A had a dacha for let, but no longer.
There was extreme water damage around the bath area from past guest leaving the water to run.

Anabella di Monteviccero-Credenza Has A Request.

OMG. I was such a WRECK last night. Paris told me that we would be having a WILD TIME, but she always says that. I mean, like, the last time she promised me a wild time, we went to this party in SoHo and the only people there were a lot of old people. I was so bored. I had to pretend to get a text to make Moby stop talking to me.

Anyway, this time Paris was not lying. We went to SNARQ, in the Credenza Building, and it took me, like, six SNARQapolitans before I realized, like, OMG, I so own this building! Klip, the bartender, had us get up on the bar and dance, and suddenly it was, like, the Anabella and Paris Party. Anyway, that's what they told me this morning.

Oh..wait! I forgot the important part. I guess last night I , like, invited EVERYONE to come to my villa over the Christmas Holidays. So now, I am totally screwed if I don't come through.

So text me. With your villa that I can rent.

Kisses, Anabella

Miss Bulgaria Reviews Metro Channel 11

I am so loving Metro Channel 11. Brock O'Neill is always so accurate with weather. He is every day saying "Oh! Weather will arrive soon!" or "Be so very careful of weather that will happen!" And every day, there is weather! How is Brock O'Neill doing it? It is amazing to me. And he is being so handsome to me also. My most important qualities in looking for man is handsome and good weather sense. And Brock is having both.

I am also most favorable of Miss Lindsay Lynn's new show, which I happily watched with TV tray and meager dinner. I am giving it two up-thumbs! Miss Lindsay Lynn did most certainly tell me how I am having her most wonderful life. She is showing me how to make Thanksgiving centerpiece. I made centerpiece with "audience at home", but maybe misunderstood directions, for when I assembled as instructed the corn, candy bars and Frosted Flakes, my holiday centerpiece did not dazzle as promised.

Still, in all ways, a most enjoyable evening.

From NewsNight 11, Your MetroArea Source

It's Friday Night...And where will you and, more importantly, your family be when this weekend's weather arrives?

Weather is on the way.

Will your family be ready?

I'm Brock O'Neill, for NewsNight11. Join me tonight for Outside Outlook at 11pm.

I Am Just Saying...

....Now who has Face in Tacos, hmmmm?

Ha! Here is Pav....

I am sorry, but Dr. Carson Gergory's Legal Counsel has informed him that Pavla Nimkova's restraining order extends to the Trashwire Blog. He regrets any inconvenience that Ms. Nimkova's attempted outburst may have caused his Devoted Fans.

Series Premiere!

Hi! I'm Lindsay Lynn Tiffin, the Metro Times number one Personal Lifestyle columnist. Tonight, Metro Channel 11 will be premiering my new series, "Livin' With Lindsay Lynn!".

Join me and learn all of my super-duper secret inside tips on how to make your Personal Lifestyle your Personal Statement. Over the next few weeks we'll be covering everything from Apple Baskets to Zebra Quilts!

On tonight's Premiere Episode, I'll be showing you how to make an edible Thanksgiving centerpiece out of acorn squash, out-of-season frosted grapes, and candy corn!

So join me, won't you?

"Livin' With Lindsay Lynn" , tonight at 8pm on Metro Channel 11 .