Erin's Answers to the Survey

What is your favorite bad movie?
I'd have to go with 'Dirty Dancing Havan Nights!' Because it always makes me smile, even though its only redeeming quality is Diego!

What is the best line from a bad movie?
"X, Y, Z, examine your zipper?" - (The Room, 2003

Who is your favorite bad movie star?
I would have to say the kid in 'The Room', because both his character, and his acting sucked!

What is your favorite trashy reality TV show?
Although it seems glamorous I'd say Dr. 90210.

Who is the funniest person alive?
Didn't you know I was?

The first thing I'd do with a billion dollars is...?
Construct a home theater system in my house, with a concession stand as well.

If I was stranded on an island with one celebrity I'd chose...?
Diego Luna at the moment, it could change however though.

If I could only hear one song for the rest of my life, I'd listen to...?
Ginsing (the song about the herb!)

My best movie experience was...?
Seeing 'Serenity' for the first time! That movie is the best, and totally lives up to the television series.

When I was little, I always wanted to be a...?
First I wanted to be a mailperson, then a teacher, then a doctor, then a teacher again.

Which one is better:
Coke or Pepsi?.......... Pepsi
Chris Rock or Dave Chappelle?.......... Neither
South Park or Family Guy?.......... Neither
Mac or Windows?.......... Mac
Facebook or MySpace?.......... Facebook
Movies or TV?.......... Movies

Greg's answers to the Trashwire Survey

What is your favorite bad movie?
I have to go with "Showgirls". I was leaning towards "Mommie Dearest", but really that movie is too cool to be bad. "Showgirls" has it all: bad acting, bad writing, bad cinematography, bad choreography, bad costumes, bad makeup, bad lighting, bad soundtrack, bad direction, bad screenplay, bad marketing, and (I assume) bad catering.

What is the best line from a bad movie?
"Well, excuse me for still believing in Sunday walks in the park and little babies!" Anna Nicole Smith in Skyscaper

Who is your favorite bad movie star?
Mariah Carey in Glitter. She is just so horribly boring that it can make your teeth go numb. This was a tough call, because Ms. Berkley is energetically horrible in Showgirls, and Anna Nicole is medicatedly horrible in Skyscraper. But Mariah wins because she actually seems to be trying but fails so miserably.

What is your favorite trashy reality TV show?
Although I couldn't watch more than three episodes before I wanted to commit myself to a sanitarium, it has to be "Being Bobby Brown". Watching Whitney Houston allow herself to be filmed as the crack whore she really is left my jaw agape for many an hour.

Who is the funniest person alive?
Kathy Griffin. I saw her live and almost peed my pants.

The first thing I'd do with a billion dollars is...?
Buy up all the available property in some horrid little redneck Christian town and give it free of charge to drag queens, atheists, lesbians, and gays. They could take over the school board, the city council, and all of the social organizations and pass legislation requiring sexual deviance and/or cross-dressing.

If I was stranded on an island with one celebrity I?d choose...?
Fran Lebowitz. I know she's not really a celebrity, and I know no one has heard of her, but she's really smart and witty and that's all that counts.

If I could only hear one song for the rest of my life, I'd listen to...?
"Better The Devil You Know" by Steps. It's my happy song.

My best movie experience was...?
Seeing "The Room" for the first time with Alexis. To call me "stunned" is an understatement.

When I was little, I always wanted to be a...?
Backup Dancer. How lame is that?

Which one is better:
Coke or Pepsi?.......... Vodka.
Chris Rock or Dave Chappelle?.......... Is he that funny black guy?
South Park or Family Guy?.......... South Park. I have never understood Family Guy.
Mac or Windows?.......... Sadly, Windows
Facebook or MySpace?.......... Oh, you youngsters and your new-fangled ideas!.
Movies or TV?.......... A book.

Trashwire.com Survey

Trashwire.com recently created a survey to profile our friends and the stuff they like. I took it, and you can too. Just copy and past the questions and then put them as a comment HERE (trashwire.com/contact.html)

What is your favorite bad movie?
To me, the best bad movie ever made is The Room. It’s not only horribly directed, but the acting is awful and the stars aren’t, in any way, attractive. It is the worst movie I’ve ever seen... and I love it!

What is the best line from a bad movie?
“Everything goes wrong at once. Nobody helps me, and I’m dying. I got the results of the test back today, I definitely have breast cancer.” - The Room, 2003

Who is your favorite bad movie star?
This is a really tough question, because I’m partial to saying someone from The Room, but I think my favorite bad movie performance is Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls. I love her in that movie because she’s so unnecessarily intense and violent in her movements and dialogue that I feel like they must have been blind to cast her as some kind of graceful dancer.

What is your favorite trashy reality TV show?
That’s a tough one too because there are so many bad reality shows I love. My favorite reality show of all time is Big Brother, but I’m hesitant to call it a trashy reality show because I love it so much. I think this year, the best trashy reality show would have to be Flavor of Love because when I watch it, I literally can’t believe my eyes.

Who is the funniest person alive?
If this was last year, I’d have said Richard Pryor. I bet you all think I’m gonna say Trey Parker, but I’d actually say Larry David. I’m also really liking Ricky Gervais, Eddie Izzard, Lisa Lampanelli, Chris Rock, and all The Comedians of Comedy.

The first thing I’d do with a billion dollars is...?
Make a movie.

If I was stranded on an island with one celebrity I’d chose...?
Either Trey Parker or someone super hot like Gael Garcia Bernal.

If I could only hear one song for the rest of my life, I’d listen to...?
I’d probably pick Michael Jackson’s “Human Nature” because I’ve loved that song for as long as I can remember. Also because I’m a dork and I really like 1980s Michael Jackson music.

My best movie experience was...?
Either watching Glitter with Greg and hearing him yell “Dice?” for the duration of that horrible scene where she comes to her boyfriend’s apartment and he’s not there... or watching The Room with Jason, Kim, Dominique and Matt last semester in Kino Fist. I felt like I was in an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. It was absolutely awesome.

When I was little, I always wanted to be a...?
Star of any kind. I think at that time, I was into being a pop star like Janet Jackson or being on In Living Color.

Which one is better:
Coke or Pepsi?.......... Pepsi
Chris Rock or Dave Chappelle?.......... Tough one, but Chris Rock.
South Park or Family Guy?.......... Duh, South Park!
Mac or Windows?.......... Mac that also runs Windows.
Facebook or MySpace?.......... Facebook
Movies or TV?.......... TV because it’s more immediate.

'Office' Romance

As a big fan of the original UK version of The Office, I was understandably apprehensive when I learned that the show was coming to America. Ricky Gervais was brilliant both as a star and a writer on the show and I doubted anyone would be able to match his talent. When the first season of the American version of The Office kicked off, I was pleasantly surprised at the way they adapted the characters to make the show fit for American audiences. Sure a few scenes played like a weird impersonation of the original, but others shined in originality. Steve Carell, in particular, was impressive because he was able to accomplish the most difficult task by expertly playing the slacker boss made famous by Gervais himself.

I was so excited for the new season, that is, until I saw a recent trailer for the upcoming premiere episode. Instead of the quirky and humorous plot lines that usually occurred in the series, the commercial flashed slow-motion shots of Pam (Jenna Fischer) and Jim (John Krasinski) during their stolen kiss at the end of last season’s final episode. Why were they focusing on the little office romance when the real comedy was in the larger office society? The funniest parts of the show are the awkward pauses when jokes aren’t funny or the way that plot lines don’t always carry the audience somewhere. That’s the part that makes the show real. Where the first and second seasons didn’t seem like a contrived “set-up, pay-off” sitcom, this new episode abandoned the subtleties that made the show so great in the first place.

The episode began by explaining that Jim and Pam had since parted ways after their kiss and that Jim had been promoted to another branch of the company. Throughout the rest of the episode, we were bombarded with scenes showcasing how different the world in the office was now that the lovebirds were miles apart. Jim had no one to get his jokes and Pam had no one to find the humor in boss Michael’s foot-in-the-mouth comments. The other plot, the funny one, about Michael (Carell) accidentally outing a gay employee, was almost completely overshadowed by the melodramatic romance. Was I watching The Office or Laguna Beach? I’ve never seen a comedy take such a sharp turn away from humor and towards generic romance/drama. The entire episode seemed to dwell on one tiny sub-plot as dozens of other funny ideas slipped by.

This was exactly what I feared about NBC bringing this brilliant show to the USA. American audiences want action, they want romance, intrigue, and simpler jokes. Unfortunately, this makes a brilliant and different show like The Office become just like every other mediocre sitcom on TV. In the UK version, two full seasons passed without a hook up between Tim and Dawn, the UK equivalents of Pam and Jim. We didn’t jump right to their relationship all the time because that’s not authentic. People don’t start working with someone and then quickly decide to call off their wedding because of their feelings for the co-worker. By utilizing this accelerated plot, they rushed to please the lowest common denominator of network TV viewers and failed to keep the show interesting for those of us who don’t mind waiting for a big plot point to occur.

I’m optimistic that The Office will be able to recover from this little stumble and get back on track to give us some fresh new comedy. The very first episode of the series failed to impress me because it seemed like a karaoke version of the original, yet the show quickly picked up and became one of my favorites. I hope that they can pull off a similar turn around this time. They need to remember that what makes the show so great is that everyone can relate to it, not that it’s some drama-packed Hollywood version of the office life. I laughed out loud several times at the awkward tension when Michael’s jokes bombed or when Jim egged on Dwight (Rainn Wilson) in the past. That’s a winning formula and there’s no need to mess with it. Working in an office is a funny enough premise without throwing in random sub-plots and laying the romance on thick

America's Next Top Boring Reality Contestants

America’s Next Top Model premiered tonight on The CW. As a fan of reality TV, I just had to watch. I normally only watch Top Model when it airs in marathon blocks on VH1, but I’ve become so addicted to all the anorexic catfighting that I had to watch from the very beginning this time.

The show began, as usual, in the most Tyra-centric way with Tyra Banks emerging on a stage in front of a sea of applauding clones. In case that wasn’t enough, the house where the girls live is literally filled with giant pictures of Tyra. Could she be more in love with herself? I doubt it. Through out the show, there were several instances where everyone sat around praying at the shrine of Tyra. For example, when one Indian contestant began crying about the way cultures value certain beauty traits, Tyra pretended she was Oprah and offered the girl some completely cliché “meaningful” advice. It seems that every girl had some sob story and only Saint Tyra could guide them through their struggle. When did America’s Next Top Model become Queen for a Day?

The best part of Tyra’s self-righteous ranting is the blatant contradiction. She rejects one contestant for being a stripper, then assigns the girls a nude modeling task for their first photo shoot. Of course, Tyra’s flunkies defend the choice saying, “There’s a fine line between sleazy and classy.” This show really sends a great message: demonize one girl for taking her clothes off for money and then badger another when she doesn’t want to get naked for the camera. Apparently it’s ok to do anything as long as Tyra orders you to.

Watching the rejects on this show makes me anxious for the new season of American Idol. The rejected models lack any charm or novelty like the booted freaks of Idol. No one stands out and all the models look and act the same. In fact, I’ve never seen such a bland and boring crop of “models”. Normally, when a show begins a new season, they try to top the previous years. On Top Model, we’re watching another season of mediocrity with the same generic reality TV characters that appear in every show. There’s the bitchy girl, the crazy rocker chick, the insecure ugly duckling who’s really a swan… sorry, I almost fell asleep just now thinking about it. This show offers nothing new; it brings nothing to the table. There is nothing fresh, exciting, captivating, or original about it. It’s the same formula, but with even more boring characters.
Instead of watching skinny girls cry about how life is so hard for them, I’d rather watch skinny people eat bugs and try to build a fire. Stick with Survivor for your reality TV guilty pleasure this season.

Crackie Mae and Ray Ray Break Up!

IMDB reported the break up of Whitney and Bobby today...

"Houston & Bobby Brown Split

Pop star Whitney Houston has filed for divorce from husband Bobby Brown, after 14 years of marriage. Houston filed the paperwork in Orange County, California, on Friday, and the papers were served to Brown on Tuesday. Houston's representative Nancy Seltzer confirms the split to American publication People stating, "She has filed from divorce from Bobby Brown. We're saying she filed for divorce because that is (Whitney's) intent. (Whitney) was in LA on Tuesday night with Clive Davis at the Ella Awards. I have nothing further to add." Houston, 43, and Brown, 39, have one child together - daughter Bobbi Kristina, 13. Divorce proceeding are expected to begin next month."

If these two can't stay together, who can?!

Worms on a Floor

"Enough is enough, I've had it with these motherf*ckin' worms on this motherf*ckin' floor!"

Tonight, as my mom and I sat in her house watching all the 9/11 documentaries and specials on TV, we were getting tired and I decided to head on home. Everything seemed normal and I got my shoes and jacket on as I headed out towards the front room. Things were totally normal... but that was about to change.

As we were heading out the door, we noticed a big six inch worm in the middle of the floor in the foyer. Then, as we looked around, there was another worm about two feet from that one, and another one a little closer to the door. One was up against the wall near a window and yet another looked like it was trying to make it's way up the stairs. What the hell was going on? Why were there all these worms on the floor in the house? Where did they come from and how long had they been there?! It was horrible.

We felt bad because they looked like they were drying out and getting all crusty. We decided to load them into a giant paper cup cup and dump them outside in the grass. Using a Bed Bath and Beyond ad and a wooden letter opener, I figured I'd pick them up and drop them into the cup. I assumed they'd be rather lifeless considering their deteriorating state, but instead, they were very much alive. When I tried to flip them on to the Bed Bath and Beyond ad with the letter opener, they wiggled like I had dropped crystal meth on them. It was so infinitely creepy!

It really reminded me of this old movie I had seen a long time ago called Squirm. It's an old campy movie from 1976 where an "avalanche of worms" destroy a town. Was our house going to be consumed by an avalanche of bloodthirsty killer worms?!

It's only been about an hour since we thwarted the worm attack, so they could return for a second strike. If I don't write something more here in the next few days, you'll know I was consumed alive by killer worms!

Pueblo, Colorado: Unlike Anything Else

Yesterday, my mom, grandma and I all piled in the car and drove down to Pueblo to visit our relatives there. My whole family on my mom’s side is from Pueblo and my mom grew up there. I’ve been many times and enjoyed it a lot as a kid. All my relatives there were colorful and loving and I had a lot of fun back then playing with my two cousins who are close in age to me.

This trip marked our first time back there in about 4 years. The last time we were there was right before I went off to college and I could remember thinking that Pueblo was awesome back then. This time, I wanted to go as a sponge and try to really take it all in.

After about a two hour drive, we arrived in Pueblo. My mom and Nana had been talking in the car the whole way down about this bakery they used to go to in the 1960s and 1970s. They raved that it had the best cake they’d ever had, an Orange Chiffon cake. It was like a sponge cake only made with oranges and lemons and frosted with orangey vanilla icing. Naturally, I insisted we make a stop at the bakery so I could try this legendary treat.

When we arrived at the bakery, the tiny store was already pretty crowded and seemed to be selling out of a lot of items despite the fact that it was only about 12:15 in the afternoon. My mom and Nana were so determined to get the very last Orange Chiffon that they neglected to take a number. We later found out from my mom’s cousin Carole that this offense could have been punishable by gunshot if it had occurred during Christmas or Thanksgiving when the store actually has an armed guard to make sure things stay in order. That’s just how good the pastries are apparently, so good that you have to be watched at gunpoint because people go crazy at the thought of those cakes. The woman at the store, having not noticed our number indiscretion, happily boxed up the last Orange Chiffon and one Pink Chiffon as well. That was when I saw the area behind the counter with donuts. Finding delicious donuts in a bakery is not that unusual, but sitting right next to them was a whole shelf of funnel cakes. I haven’t seen funnel cakes outside of fairs and carnivals, but apparently in Pueblo, you can get one any time you want. We grabbed our cakes and protected them like a set of Loomis Fargo drivers as we went back to the car.

Then it was time to begin the Pat Sue Reality Tour, as I like to call it. Every time we come to Pueblo, my mom drives me past all the notable places she remembers from growing up there. We go past her elementary school, her junior high, and her high school. But that’s not all! We also go past the house she grew up in, the house her grandmother lived in, our relatives old houses, the house “with the family that made the best tortillas”, the park where she “kissed this one Mexican guy”, the demolition derby where someone “threw a cactus in [her] hair”, the place where the cute guy she had a crush on in junior high lived, the place where she saw her first and only dead kid, and so many other essential destinations. The Pat Sue Reality Tour is probably the greatest part of the trip for me.

During the tour, I also get to hear in-depth accounts of the various events that occurred at these hot spots. She recalls games of “Ditch ‘em”, the time her sister poured fire ants into her pants when she was little, the play kitchen she used to keep a huge knife in just in case someone tried to break into their house, the time one of the neighborhood men tried to show her naked pictures of his wife, and so many more. A good 90% of these things are either illegal or unthinkable today. Just imagine a small child in 2006 hanging out with their friends around the town for hours with no cell phone, no way to contact mommy and daddy, and no one knowing exactly where they are. It’s a recipe for abduction. Yet, back then, the Pueblo kids didn’t fear anything because the world wasn’t a scary place for them. Kids younger than 6 enjoyed almost total freedom in their town because everyone knew everyone and life was just safe.

When I looked at Pueblo and compared the way it was back then to the way it is now, that’s what made me realize what a treasure it is. Pueblo is almost the same exact way today as it was in 1973. Many of the stores are the same and owned by the same families, people work in their jobs for 40 years, the houses haven’t been torn down and replaced by cookie-cutter McMansions, even some of the cars driving around look like they’ve had the same owner for 30 years. While the whole rest of the world changes, and Foleys or Filene’s become Macy’s, Pueblo hangs on to it’s identity and it stays the same. It’s a tiny unique oasis in a sea of cloned suburbs. What I really like most about Pueblo is that there’s no place that is just like it. It’s totally it’s own thing. It’s such a refreshing change from chain after chain of the same crap that you see in most towns.

So, if any of you ever get a chance to visit Pueblo, definitely go for it! And… if you want to know the best places to go or take the Pat Sue Reality Tour yourself, just email me and I’ll give you the works!